I'm pretty sure I've posted something about this before, but it's been a while.
It seems like once you are on a site for a while you begin to see how mean and nasty people can be. I don't know what it is about the internet that lets people be so cruel, but I'd like to know why people tear others down to make themselves feel better as opposed to just seeing if there's something that they'd like to change.
Not that I've always avoided cattiness or meanness. I'd be dishonest to say I have. I do try my best to think before I post on forums about how the other person would feel reading my response and I've actually completely removed myself from a once loved forum because it was encouraging me to be unkind.
It seems like a lot of homeschooling mommy wars center around housework and doing enough school.
That people with clean homes aren't spending enough time with their kids and people with messy homes are slobs.
That having little school actually happen is realistic because life happens or doing too much is hotboxing.
Wouldn't it be better to just assume that everyone is doing the best they can in their circumstances and each of us are on our own road of success? Some further then others, some rounding back to the beginning to start fresh.
I like blogging because it lets me share. I don't only share our roses, I try to share our messes and mishaps, too. I hope everything that I say is received in a spirit of kindness and everything that I write is intended in charity.
I like blogging because it lets me share. I don't only share our roses, I try to share our messes and mishaps, too.
ReplyDeleteI think this is one of the fundamental things that people don't realize–some take your approach, and others try to present a fairly rosy outlook because it's public. I fall into the latter category; if it's about me or my kids, I try to err on the side of "we look perfect" because I'm acutely aware that it's not JUST fellow homeschoolers that can read my blog or even my message board posts. I'm confident that anti-homeschoolers would be happy to use negativity against us. :/
Of course, I also try to use my blog as a way to keep myself accountable and to jog my own memory about what we've actually done. ;)
I'm sure there's antihomeschoolers reading my blog, too- there's a lot of people downloading my pics and posts and never commenting. I don't post anything that I think I'd regret- but I do think it's helpful for people homeschooling or thinking about it to see that sometimes it's hard. And frustrating. Sometimes I'm flailing and feeling like I'm failing- even though I'm not.
ReplyDeleteThere's a middle road, somewhere.
I understand and respect the rosy outlook!
Wouldn't it be better to just assume that everyone is doing the best they can in their circumstances and each of us are on our own road of success?
ReplyDeleteI disagree with that premise. I don't think everyone is doing the best they can, either with parenting or with schooling. I think that people are often lazy and self-centered. They do what works best for themselves and bugger-all whether or not it's good for their kids or others. You see that all the time when parents justify an array of bad or stupid things they do? I let my kid was 20 hours of TV because "it's what works best for our family." I scheduled my induction at 36 weeks/I make my kid CIO/I put in a minimal amount of effort with schooling/I let everyone live in filth/etc. because, you guessed it, it "works best for our family."
"Works best for our family" usually means "most convenient for ME and the heck w/ the kids' needs." I don't think there's anything wrong with calling people on that.
Obviously, I blog plenty of thorns along with my roses. Presenting an honest picture of homeschoolers as flawed, but still incredibly functional, is a big goal for me. I don't assume that what other people blog is an accurate representation of their lives, however. I don't buy "well, it works for us!" or "it's best for our family" as a valid justification for doing things that are pretty obviously NOT best, but I also tend to not believe that what is presented in a blog is the whole story. Call them on the BS, but don't take the BS as the only truth.
I totally agree with you about avoiding the Mommy Wars. It's ridiculous. We all have challenges and we all just do our best to cope with them. Attempting to verbally jab someone else doesn't actually do anything to improve a situation. As far as calling people out on message boards, who needs a homeschool Barney Fife? I'm sure those folks have plenty of doubters they are dealing with IRL. And of course I mean all of this in the most supportive way possible ;o)
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